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Friday, June 5, 2015

A Wish To Be Together, But Standing On Our Own



I wish you weren't scared to love me,
I wish you felt the weight
Of the risk of going—
Heavier than that of staying,
I wish you saw the urgency of our love, the opportunity, the fleeting possibility,
I wish there was boldness to press on without pressing off,
I wish our togetherness was of such epic proportion
That you couldn't resist,
I wish that the non ideal, the imperfect, the not ready
Were petty in the big picture,I wish it were known, without question,
Just how rare and precious
These moments can be,
So that we'd seize the day,
Together but standing on our own feet,
I wish that your longing for growth
Saw room for the nurturing embrace
Of my soft soul,
I wish you knew, not in your head, but in your bones
That the risk of jumping to me is beyond worthy,
And the peril from falling will never defeat you,

I wish you didn't compare me to whats passed,
I wish I could strip you down to your rawness, to your real self—
The one I met on so many occasions,
The one I wish to meet again, in all her beauty,
And in all her imperfection,
I wish that you'll read this and know—
If there were one person whom I could ever talk into loving,
With my words, with my passion, with my wholehearted truth,
It'd certainly be you.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Freshen The Mind

Exit 98b, Merriman road
So bitter and so sweet
The one that brings you near
The one that takes you from me
Truly defining lovehate
Now I sit down to write 
But nothing is wrong
It is all right, I like to think
Besides the aching in my forehead since you've gone away
Alone with my tired brow
I've just finished the last bowl of soup we made
With the freshest ingredients 
So fresh in the mind 
As I see your notes around, curly U's and circles dot your I's 
I can't help but think
Is our work done or undone?
Both.

The bag of masa de harina we never got to 
But you did learn the word— nixtamalization
How can I make digestible this loneliness
The feeling of my upper lip, so clean and so defined
As you left me with less there, but less was needed 
I don't want to let it get overgrown again
I need you to do what you do
With me 
More and soon
But it never feels soon enough
Even though waves of patience come over me
Breaking at the cress
Like when I got into bed last night 
To your smell on my pillow 
Or as I will again tonight
And the next night
So cold turkey—
This broken heart comes and goes.
 
Holding my breath now 
Waiting to hear, where to go from here
But knowing there's nothing close to ease the pain 
Its not 100 miles, its not a stones throw 
Its over mountains 
Closest now are the small pieces of chocolate left
In the crinkled plastic
They will soon be gone, too
Chipping away with their sea salt 
Satisfying my mouth and my salty tears 
The chocolate that you chose
It is good chocolate.


Thursday, April 23, 2015

'Writing A Wrong'

I tend not to write

when things are right,

but when things are wrong

I do not feel right,

so I write.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

'I Long, Too'

I long to:

Drink whiskey with you,
and discuss matters beyond our grasp—
in an attempt to expose meaning;
And watch movies we both have seen,
and also ones we haven’t,
while you fall into the screen and I gaze over;
And to argue points so miniscule
that we both end laughing;
And to take a walk down a familiar road,
then down one so unfamiliar we both feel new;
And to dress up with you in our finest attire—
to enter a ball, or a jazz club, or a fancy restaurant;
And of course you’ll aid me in choosing what to wear,
while I gasp at the site of your long dress,
with my attention so fixed I almost neglect my own attire,
And then to get dirty with you, in the fields and forests,
with a basket only we filled— with wild greens and flowers and berries;
And to dance with you on the kitchen floor,
while our sauteed greens get slightly over cooked—
just enough so the garlic becomes barely burnt,
but we don’t care because the dancing is so good;
And to feel full with you, so that we’re quiet for a while,
while we digest and gain anew;
And to swim in freshwater with you, but not so readily—
as I must insist on your dive, maybe even pushing you, or pulling you in
but then you relax in the water;
And to run through white sand with you,
to the salty sea in a land foreign to me, into the waves we’d fall,
as the salt gets in my eyes and mouth;
And to meet the locals in this foreign land—
but not alone ‘cus you’re next to me, with me
And to exchange massages, disagreeing on who gets to go first
because we both want to be rubbed last;
And then to disagree with you on something big,
on something small, and on something that doesn’t matter at all;
And to watch the fire die as our toes get cold,
we play a game of footsie, for warmth's sake;
And to go to sleep with your warmth next to me—
while we dream our own dreams, together;
And to create something next to you, while you create your own—
different, unique, wonderful, unattainable to me,
as is mine to you;
And to wear what you made, or share what you did
with the people I know, and you’ll do the same;
And to walk with you into a world of fear,
only to have those fears dissolved,
as we soften the hard world for one another.
And to make a list with you, of things to do—
written, or conjured in our minds,
but we’ll complete only a few, as we must leave room for more;
And to read a poem to you, one that I wrote,
or one that I didn’t, but just a poem that I think you’ll like.
And to do nothing at all with you,
because we never needed more than that
to feel content.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

‘I Am Here’

I feel sorrow for the mornings that you tell me you can’t go on. I feel sorrow for the days that go wasted away. I feel sorrow for the nights that you never show up to.

I sympathize for you. With my loving heart I give patience. I give grace. I try, and I try to hold space. But I am not here to tell you just what you want to hear.


I am not here to spare change to a homeless man. I am not here to let the weeds grow. I am not here to polish your shoes.


I am here to be the gentle breeze that strengthens your branches. I am here to be the song of the morning bird that wakes you from your slumber. I am here to be the crisp winter air that enters your lungs and enlivens your being. I am here to be the pillow where you rest your head after a stressful day. I am here to be the soil that grows your prettiest blooms. I am here to be the honey in your tea. I am here to be the sweetness of your dawn. I am here to be the bitterness of your dusk—the imperfection, the struggle, the pain, the darkness— I am here for that too. I am here to be the ocean air that awakens your spirit. I am here to be the pouring rain that you dance in. I am here to be the blazing summer sun that warms your face. I am here to be the darkroom where you develop. Except not like a photograph— staying the same, I am here to change with you.  I am here to be exposed to you. I am here— myself, to expose you.

I am here to push you. I am here for the nudge. Like an old glove that no longer fits— becoming useless; your old routine dies. Again and again. I am here to love you through it. I am here to offer you shelter through it. I am here to tell you that you fucked up. I am here to scream the truth to you, in a melodic way. And with each beat, with each passing day, I will give you my realest gifts.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

'Thai Basil Eggs And You'


Enwrapped in their sweetness those summer mornings always left too soon. 
Morning light found us quick as the un-alarming sounds of soft voices singing met our ears. 
Wake up. You'd slide your hand on top of me gently touching my back. 
We'd share our morning thoughts and countless kisses. But not for long, i'd get up first. 
Heading up stairs shirtless, starting the coffee, and then barefoot I'd run down to the garden. Choosing carefully the perfect sprig of thai basil for the mornings eggs
And a small tomato to go with it some days. A large tomato would be too much for the two of us. We'd sit at the circle table in my kitchen eating our breakfast, rubbing our feet together like elementary students playing footsie. 
Those eggs were good eggs and those mornings were the best.

Friday, August 15, 2014

'Being Soft Enough'

Being soft enough to do whats hard
and having trust in what is right
is a path with many roadblocks,
dead-ends, twists and turns,
but one worth taking


Because as the hardness hardens we become—
softer, softer, softer, giving way
bending, twisting, bouncing back towards balance


But what if it weren’t for the bumps?
If the holes were filled and the gaps cleared,
would the path be as holy?


I try and I try and I try
to see the roadblocks as building blocks,
and the sickness as healing


But I’m told to try only with ease,
with grace— to not do everything
just to do something
and let the rest happen on its own accord


Because it wasn’t hardly me who made this path
but ever so softly it was the path
that made me